From a Teen’s Perspective: A fun-damental shift

Humans are social animals. Our identities are tied to our relationships. How we exist within our community often defines who we are. And yet I think in adolescence we all exhibit a fierce individuality that prioritizes the “getting” of things for ourselves and diminishes the value we place on the important people in our lives.

I think — fingers crossed — I’m finally growing out of that mindset. I’m still an independent and ambitious person, but I’m learning that finding joy is less about what you’re doing and more about who you’re doing it with.

This realization of my profound mental shift, one that I suppose indicates another step of maturation into adulthood, ironically came to me at The Winter Lodge, an ice skating rink intrinsically linked to my childhood memories.

My friends and I arrived at The Winer Lodge just in time for their 8:00 pm public skate on Friday. We were really just there to hang out — the venue wasn’t that important — but nonetheless, I hadn’t gone skating in a long time and was excited to get back out on the ice like I had as a little kid, zipping in between happy couples and trying not to trip head over heels as I attempted mini jumps.

I stepped into the rink and haltingly slid my skates across the solid yet slippery surface. I stumbled forward but regained my balance and took a lap. After a couple more close-calls, I felt confident and comfortable maneuvering through the crowd of skaters circling the epicentral Christmas tree.

I felt my inner child challenge me to a race. I wanted to see how fast I could go, how many turns I could attempt before an inevitable tumble. But I turned around to see one of my friends gripping the rails for support. She had never skated before, and we both laughed as she crossed the ice on wobbly legs. I skated over and helped her reach a nearby bench away from the crowd.

With the help of my other friends, we spent the next hour transforming her into a proficient skater. It reminded me of teaching my younger sister how to ride a bike. Except back then, I saw her training as a burden. I just wanted to pedal down the street on my own bicycle and needed her to know how before we could go together.

But with my friend at the ice skating rink, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I was “missing” my ice skating time. I had more fun with my friends teaching her than we would have had doing anything else. And that’s when it hit me.

When we’re younger, we seek out joy in individual pursuits. Even when we’re with friends and family, we focus on how we personally can “have fun.” But the truth is, life without people is life in a vacuum. Connecting with friends and family is what truly lifts me up. It wasn’t ice skating that made me so happy — it was spending time with people I care about.

It’s important to strive towards personal goals. But too often we get lost in our heads and isolate ourselves for the sake of success, whether in work, school, or the ice skating rink… Regardless, the journey is always better with people at your side. So the next time you step into your metaphorical rink, consider how you can find and share your joy with those around you.

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Dylan Lanier is a senior at Menlo-Atherton High School. His column appears weekly.

Photo from Yelp