From a Teen’s Perspective: Go solo — or get connected?

We live in an individualist society. We’re told to set personal goals, strive for personal victory, and continuously invest in our personal well-being. The overall message: put yourself first, and you will earn your own success and satisfaction.

There is certainly some validity to this ideology. If you spend your whole life avoiding your own problems and helping others instead, you probably won’t be too content.

However, I think the popular emphasis on a self-centered life — one where we view individual projects as the most important factors for happiness and success — can make us feel less fulfilled and connected to our community.

Humans are social animals, yet we often avoid connecting with others because we believe solo journeys reap greater benefits. Self-reliance and individual pursuits are placed on a pedestal above group work.

Study hard, get good grades, build your resume, find your passions, develop your skills, pick your major and profession — the list of expectations goes on, and most of them are supposed to be individual pursuits. Even volunteering often has personal ulterior motives behind it, like improving a college application or making you feel better about your own morality. That isn’t to say these activities aren’t valuable, just that they might not be as valuable to you if you make it about you.

Let’s take the idea of self-care as a prime example. We’re supposed to “protect our peace” by taking time for ourselves and caring for our mental and physical health. This is incredibly important, but sometimes isolating yourself can do more harm than benefit.

When I feel upset, I typically do one of two things: get together with my friends or retreat into my room with Netflix. And while the latter sometimes helps me decompress, I often wallow in my feelings until they grow even larger and louder in my head. However, when I surround myself with people I love, they cheer me up and put my situation into perspective, which improves my mental well-being far better than I could do alone.

Similarly, I always feel better when helping others. Even holding the door open for someone gives me a boost, because I remember how lucky I am to be part of a beautiful community.

We rarely talk about the warm feeling of contentment and community that comes with compassion because although it’s nearly universal, it doesn’t seem as “productive” as focusing on our individual lives.

I think the key to this dilemma is balance. You certainly need to care about your well-being, and achieving your own personal goals is extremely rewarding. However, it’s easy to feel alone when you live in your own little world. Incorporating more connection into your daily life — whether that be striking up a conversation at the coffee shop, meeting up with friends, joining a group project, or more — is a surefire way to find more joy in life and deepen your sense of belonging in a world that often tries to isolate us.

Got any topics you want me to cover? Email dylanclarklanier@gmail.com with your requests!

Dylan Lanier is a senior at Menlo-Atherton High School. His column appears weekly.

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